Metallica Coming to Town
Hondo’s On Main in Fredericksburg, Texas has announced that this summer the metal band Metallica is coming to the 150-seat live music venue!
Ticket prices will start at $42,000 plus a $6.95 processing fee. “There will be a limited number of VIP packages,” according to Hondo’s Manager Fred Savage. “Our Gold Package will be $120,000, which will include free drinks and taking turns being strapped to the back of Lars Ulrich.”
“We understand the ticket prices are high,” Mr. Savage continued, “but the insurance for this event is astronomical. This building was constructed more than a hundred years before thrash metal existed. We’re not sure the stone walls will hold up from the vibrations. By morning the venue might be nothing more than a smoldering crater and we’ll have to rebuild from the ashes. And no, I’m not that Fred Savage.”
Luckenbach has announced they will counter-program that night with the Shen Yun Chinese Dance and Music Company. Each Shen Yun touring ensemble consists of 60 performers plus a full orchestra. The Luckenbach stage can only accommodate 8 performers at a time, so audience members will be asked to imagine the other 52. More details when they become available.
Billiam Coronel is a multiple Emmy-winning comedy writer who now lives in the Texas Hill Country. He was on The Tonight Show multiple times and wrote on a dozen sitcoms including FAMILY GUY.
OMG Hilarious