Fire Marshall Defends Delay
The call came in at 1:41 PM: a backyard in the Hidden Springs development outside Fredericksburg, TX was on fire but the town’s only fire truck was being used by the Make-A-Wish people until 2pm.
“Normally we hop on the truck and rush to the fire,” explains Fire Marshal Bo Meritson, “but I didn’t want to interrupt the ‘wish’. I’m not a doctor but the kid looked pretty sick and I was afraid he might not be around long enough for us to reschedule. We thought about taking the bus to the fire but decided to just wait until 2pm.”
“The homeowner was probably playing with lighter fluid,” Meritson guesses. “Chances are he wandered off to get another beer and everything caught fire. I don’t know that this is what happened or not but odds are good he didn’t properly clear debris around his firepit. I’m assuming it’s a guy ‘cause lighter fluid is mostly a man thing. Anyway, I had to make a tough choice — do I shorten the dying wish of an innocent boy just to save some rusted BBQ grill on a rotting wooden porch that I’ll bet wasn’t built to code in the first place?”
“The poor kid was dealt a bad hand,” Meritson continues. “Spent most of his life in hospitals. Probably. You should’ve seen him that day. My God, he was happy as a clam, honking the horn. Sorry. I don’t mean to be tearing up… I’m supposed to cut short this boy’s dream ‘cause a slow-witted alcoholic drifter set fire to the woodpile near his trailer? I admit I don’t actually know if he drank or lived in a trailer but I’ll wager my pension he was slow-witted. I have a sense for these things.”
“Decks can be rebuilt, dying boys can’t. That’s a saying I live by. If I wasn’t scared of needles I’d get that as a tattoo. What’s a few burned acres compared to a sick kid having fun playing with hoses? In fact, I suspect this homeowner might be a tax-cheating arsonist who purposefully set fire to his own backyard. Maybe. There’s no proof he didn’t. What we DO have proof of, is that the boy was sick. Everyone agreed he didn’t look healthy so the only proof here helps the boy.”
“Between a probable wife-abusing pyromaniac and a terminally ill, grade-A student about to board the elevator to Heaven, I’ll side with the young lad every time.”
Update: The fire department has officially filed a request with the Make-A-Wish Foundation to get a second fire truck.
Billiam Coronel is a multiple Emmy-winning comedy writer who now lives in the Texas Hill Country. He was on The Tonight Show multiple times and wrote on a dozen sitcoms including FAMILY GUY.
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